In the past year or so I’ve been dealing with an inner struggle that has been difficult in itself but which has been complicated by many outside factors. I would really like to be a mother and have a baby. However, something I once thought was so easy has proved to be the most difficult thing to deal with on so many levels.
The first problem is that I’m not getting any younger. I’m not old but somehow evolution and science, and all that wonderful stuff out there, hasn’t been able to deal with the fact that I’m not 25 years old. Oh don’t get me wrong, tons of stuff is available to help me due to my age but it actually can’t work for me. Apparently due to some past events in my youth and some present stressors, my body is acting 10 years older than it really is. So, I don’t have very many eggs to play with when it comes to conception. My physical body has been made older by emotional crap (for lack of a better word) and so my physical body is manifesting signs, in the reproductive area at least, of being pre-menopausal. This poses a significant problem because very few pre-menopausal women give birth as it is and if they do it’s super hard.
Secondly, let’s just say swimming isn’t a major priority in other factors in this quest.
Lastly, due to a number of situations that brought about the problems that I refer to in the first area, financial issues have come to play in this whole fiasco. Although I hold a pretty good job and am paid relatively decently, it’s not enough to pay for the treatments that I need to try to create a child by the scientific method.
I’ve been dealing with this for quite some time now and have only recently been able to even put this into words. Mainly I’m really upset and angry that some people have it so easy when it comes to this aspect. Also, I’m aggravated that for all the improvements in technology and science, nothing can really be done to get me some more eggs.
As I type away I get misty-eyed at how unfair this has been for me. I know I will get over it eventually but I guess I’m still too close to the event to have the distance necessary to cope.
1 comment:
Do you want some of my eggs? I seem to have plenty and I may not ever use them. Someone should get some use out of them. Of course, you'd risk having blonde-haired, blue-eyed babies that way....
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