Kicking and Screaming - Part 1

As soon as I could feel my daughter moving in my belly, she’d been kicking as if she were preparing to punt for the Super Bowl champions. I think she was trying to imitate me and my time on the elliptical machine or the stationary bike. Or maybe she was already paying homage to the sport that is most popular in both Italy and Mexico. Not sure exactly but she definitely knew how to do damage with her legs and feet. I told the doctors that I thought she was going to be a soccer player, a kick boxer or a rockette based on her kicks. 

There were times during my pregnancy when I thought she had it in for my ribs. It seemed that she wanted to kick them out of place so she had more room to move. I remember one night she had been kicking me for 2 hours straight that I was sure she had broken a number of bones in my trunk. I even remember crying hysterically because it was so painful. 

A few weeks ago as she was sprawled out on her changing table, she was cycling her lower limbs as if she were pedaling through the Tour de France. My husband said “Now I know what you were going through when you were pregnant.” I told him that was the one thing about being pregnant that I didn’t miss – the constant bombardment of her legs on my internal organs. Now that she was free of her constricting space, she must have been enjoying her feet so much more. 

Whenever she is in her stroller and is upset (not that I ever know the exact cause), she kicks her blanket(s) right off and onto the ground. I find myself playing the game of pickup sticks except there is no ball and no sticks, just various handmade warming garments. One day in a particular fit of rage, she kicked them off 5 times. I contemplated not putting them back on but it was cold and I worried she’d get sick in the distance it took to get home.  I started trying to reason with her but really, what was I thinking? She didn’t understand what I was saying. So instead, I hunched over the stroller handle and put my hands on her blankets as I pushed the stroller with my ribs. Luckily, she didn’t break them during my pregnancy because they were coming in very handy in these desperate occasions. 

Some people believe you can see what your kids will be good at from a very early age. Maybe she will turn out to play in the World Cup or make her ascent up the mountains of France or perhaps she will run marathons but for right now, I’ll just enjoy her – kicks and all – and see what time will reveal.

A Little Miracle

I am so lucky to have my little girl. When I think back to all that I went through during my pregnancy, it is a wonder that she even arrived. After getting confirmation that I was pregnant, a couple of key incidents happened that made very scared to even announce to people that I was expecting. 

Early on I found myself bleeding a lot and having cramps that doctors assured me was normal. I kept crying because I knew something was wrong. The more I called the doctors, the more they said bleeding in the first trimester was normal. Until one day it wasn’t. 

I found myself feeling very sick to my stomach one day. I attributed it to the hormonal ups and downs of pregnancy but it was enough for me to call out sick. I felt better the next morning so I went into work only to be bent over in agony at my desk that afternoon. I kept thinking it was something I had eaten. When I just couldn’t take it anymore, I left work and took a cab home. As I writhed in pain in bed, the pain getting unbearable, I called the doctors. I told them what was happening. They told me to go to their office immediately. 

A trip that normally should have taken 10 minutes by taxi took 45 minutes because President Obama was in town. I thought I was going to die in the cab…tears rolling down my cheek and my nails ripping the fake leather of the car seat. 

When we finally got to the doctors, they did an ultrasound. They found I had a lot of fluid in my uterus. And yes, that I was bleeding a little too much. The culprit could have been one of a number of things: an ovarian torsion (an ovary is twisted upon itself), an ectopic pregnancy or an ovarian cyst that had ruptured. The only possible way for them to know what was going on was to operate. They confirmed that the fetus was doing fine but in having the operation, there was a chance that I could lose the baby. Knowing this information was not very comforting in my decision to go forward with the operation. 

Luckily the operation was successful and the baby was doing fine. But the culprit was in fact another embryo that had implanted itself into my Fallopian tube and that had ruptured. I had to have my tube removed.

As I was recovering, my dad’s health deteriorated and he passed away a little less than a month after my surgery. Even though I had prepared myself for the worst with regards to my dad’s health, I was still devastated and sad for a quite a while. I was afraid for a bit that the shock would impact my growing baby. I will never know if it did until many months or years from now. 

When I look at her now and the joy she brings me (even when she fights her sleep), I can’t believe she is here. It was a very long journey to see her birth.  And I know it will be a long journey until she becomes an adult but I am happy to have gone through it already. It has taught me many lessons about myself and my daughter and it makes her all the more special in my eyes.

Shadows of the Night

My daughter gets very fussy at night. She is exhausted and rubs her eyes and cries but she just won’t go to sleep. She fights it like a heavyweight champion. Of all the things she got from me, this was the one thing I didn’t want her to copy. But oh well. 

We try to rock her to sleep and sing lullabies and every other thing in our arsenal of baby tricks. Sometimes they work but most of the time, they don’t. One thing that she seems to like but that isn’t always successful in getting her to nod off is the mobile.

It lights up and has some plush animals that hang down from it – a flamingo, a hippo and a frog. It also plays classical music. This same classical music puts me and my husband to bed almost instantaneously. It is not that effective with my little cookie. I know the music so well that I find myself humming it when I do other things around the house. 

We keep the bedroom very dark at night so the only light you see is the one from the mobile. In the early days when she was just learning about her body, we could see her looking at the shadow of her hand in the light from the mobile. Now we watch as she kicks the animals. She has shown a proclivity towards punching the hippo and smacking the flamingo as they go by. I am not sure what to expect when we go to the zoo for the first time. 

The title of this blog comes from a song by Pat Benatar. The video was about a female fighter pilot during WWII as they make a night bombing. I thought it fitting for this entry because there are times when I feel so tired after trying to get her to sleep that I crash like a bomb into bed. But it also works because she loves to watch the shadows of her limbs in the light from the mobile against the wall. I hope in the months to come she will embrace sleep and not try to keep it so far away.

Cooking Demonstration

One of the things that I have liked most about being a mom has been talking to my baby. She probably doesn’t understand a single word I am saying but she pays attention to me. I know this might be one of the few times in our relationship where she is rapt with attention by what I have to say. 

So I have been taking advantage of this situation by talking to her about the most inane things (like the plots of all the movies I love) to serious things (the upcoming elections) to things that I have learned (how stretching your muscles will avoid pain in the long run and about).

Among the things I have learned is how to cook so I spend a lot of time talking through some of my favorite recipes. The first thing I talked through was how to make lentil soup. I explained how you need carrots, celery and onions because they are aromatics so they add flavor and depth to recipes. I informed her that there are many kinds of lentils and some need to cook longer than others. Then I told her my secret ingredients, which I know will be safe with her (her not speaking at this moment comes in very handy for my cooking oeuvres). 

She seemed pretty interested the first few times I cooked for her.  A number of other times, she didn’t seem as fascinated as I wanted her to be (namely because of a surprise dirty diaper).  Lately she is more mesmerized by the shiny pots and pans that hang in the kitchen. All I can say is that I tried and maybe as she gets older, she will be more intrigued by my cooking demonstrations. For now, I will just keep trying until there is a recipe that makes her mouth water and captures all her attention.

The Calm After the Storm

Hurricane Sandy came and went. She took a lot with her when she left - many lives and houses were taken in her movements. Parts of New Jersey and New York are completely flooded and the power is out for many people. So many people are displaced and things will take a long time to get back to normal.

It has been so sad to see all the damage - not only for this storm but also when we think of all the ones this country has had in the last few years. It's always so hard to see the pictures and the reports of the devastation when it comes to natural disasters because there is so little that we can do to avoid it. Even if you take precautions ahead of time, there is no guarantee. How can you avoid a generator from blowing out and having to evacuate a hospital in the middle of the night? No matter how many sand bags you put up, how can you escape a storm surge that is 12+ feet above sea level. You can only hope and pray for the best and even that isn't enough.

I have seen my beloved city go through so much in the past decade and more. Thankfully, we do have a way of getting back on our feet. But those initial pictures and those early moments are so disheartening. You do begin to wonder if there isn't some universal force that has it in for the Big Apple.  Like those times before, we will work together and we will survive. Even if we have to do it under such difficult circumstances.

Luckily my family is fine and I am thankful for that. But my heart and prayers go out to all those that have not been as lucky. I wish that I had magic to clear away all the damage and destruction. Since I don't have those powers, I send my help in some other way. Please take a moment to help those who have not been fortunate in Sandy's path.