Tuesday, August 24, 2010

When You Are Standing in Poop

There’s this saying that has always resonated with me. It goes like this: When you are standing in poop for so long, you don’t notice the smell.

Lately this saying has been echoing for me on a lot of levels. My job is incredibly stressful and there really isn’t any need for it to be this way. I’m not saving any lives with the work I do. NO ONE ON MY TEAM is saving lives with the work we do. Yet, there is always a mad rush to get things done and to solve every problem there is. I could say it’s the nature of the institute and area I work in but I still think it’s ridiculous. None of this stress is necessary. It’s pointless.

My dad’s been sick and it’s been causing a number of problems across my family. It’s made my mom very angry and added undue stress to her and all of our lives. But the problem is my dad isn’t going to change. It’s sad because his behavior influences all of us but he’s too selfish to see that.

Family relations have always been tenuous and yet with all of the stuff happening with my dad, they seem multiplied – mostly because everyone expects me to be the peacemaker. I don’t even know how diplomats and politicians work around obtaining peace with people who want to consistently be at war. That’s what I experience so I don’t know how I am supposed to change that either.

I’ve been trying to get out of my slump – change my thinking, do things outside my routine but I’ve seen very little progress. A lot of other things which I don’t even want to get into are making me upset but I just keep it to myself.

Hence why I say that when you stand in poop so long, you don’t notice the smell. Change has to happen and as patient as I’ve been and as hard as I’ve worked, I guess I have to try harder.

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Mysterious 15th Floor

Lately I’ve noticed some strange happenings on the 15th floor of my building. My elevator bank goes up to the 16th floor where I have my cubicle. On an almost daily basis I am intrigued by the events that occur in and around the 15th floor while I ride up and down in the elevator.

If I’m riding down in the elevator and it stops on the 15th floor, I am certain to be delayed because the people on this floor aren’t ever sure if they should be getting on the elevator. I wonder to myself ‘didn’t they press the down button?’ Whomever enters is usually dilly-dallying before crossing the threshold from the 15th floor onto the elevator. It begs me to wonder why this is happening.

If I am riding up in the elevator and someone presses the 15th floor button, they ultimately watch the doors of the elevator open and look out on the 15th floor as if they have never seen this floor before. This makes me wonder ‘do they work on this floor at all?” because the deer-in-headlights look that is produced suggests that they are surprised – as if this is a new experience or that they are about to be killed once they step off the elevator.

I noticed for a while that it seemed to be the same types of people who were having these delayed responses on and off the 15th floor. Of course I jumped to the conclusion that something bad was happening to these people when they stepped off this floor. But recently I noticed that this is happening with everyone who gets on and off that floor.

Whenever I get a chance, I will need to investigate further. Maybe there is some kind of space/time portal or vacuum that exists on this floor. That might explain the sensation of newness that seems to be expressed by many of these 15th floor residents.

As a matter of fact, in my elevator bank the 11th and 12th floors are missing from the elevator selection. So if you move the floors down, the 15th floor would technically be the 13th floor. That might explain the altogether strange behavior happening on this floor.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

His Eyes

His Eyes
His eyes look at other women
In the street
In magazines
In photos
He doesn’t see that I see
Or he doesn’t care

His mouth says to other women
‘My Love’
‘My Dear’
‘My Heart’

Said and done in front of me
Without a single regret
And the pain
In inflicts in me
Like a knife
And the blood pours out
And the cut stings because
The tears keep flowing internally
They are kept inside

He doesn’t see this as an issue
When I point it out
The activity doesn’t mean a thing
He’s with me
Not sure why that excuse should suffice but
I don’t expect a change
From him
But there will be a change from me

Speedy Recovery

My dad has been in the hospital for the last few weeks. It’s upsetting to see him there but I also know that 63 years of smoking cigarettes couldn’t go unlooked for too much longer. Needless to say, I was as prepared as I could be for this news.

My dad is very stubborn. He knows the best ways to do things and he’s always right. He hates doctors and hospitals but does he behave in any way that would allow him to avoid seeing these people and places? No! And goodness gracious if we ever mentioned he should stop smoking or drinking, the verbal sewage that comes out of his mouth is amazing. After a while, I accepted he wouldn’t ever make any changes for his health.

The problem is that my dad waited too long to get some help. He was severely worn down and weak. The months of coughing and not eating well had taken their toll and he wasn’t able to move too well. He has been able to get in and out of bed and has been making strides towards recovery. However, the doctors weren’t as pleased with his progress as he thought they should be. They really wanted him to be more mobile and to gain more strength; otherwise, they were going to put him into a rehabilitation facility.

After receiving that news, my dad got his appetite back. He was walking to and from the bathroom in his hospital room. He was threatening to throw people out the window if they disturbed him while he was sleeping. It looked like he made a miraculous recovery.

Now he’s in a rehabilitation unit and he’s trying to get his muscular strength back. He confided in me that he’s bored and wants to go home. But I know (just as the rest of the family does) that he will start smoking again the minute he comes home. So we’ll be back to the drawing board soon enough, I’m sure.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Things of Which I'm Pretty Certain

I love to read Oprah Winfrey's 'O' Magazine and she has a column on things she knows for sure....and paying homage to my friend Marni and her most recent post, I thought I'd compile my list of things of which I'm pretty certain

1) People don't change. They just become more of who they really are...and some of those people just aren't nice and you should avoid them.

2) Some days pizza will be my favorite food and other days it will be sushi.

3) Many things happen for a reason but the reason isn't apparent at the exact moment when it happens.

4) Many people could benefit from therapy so that they'd annoy others less often.

5) Dogs are darn cute! (This I'm very certain of!!)

6) Some children are so precious you almost want to eat them (ahem - shout out to Marni and Holly).

7) Laughter is often the best medicine. Other times, it's Advil.

8) Paper cuts and mosquito bites are annoying.

9) Some men and women can be friends. For others it's not possible at all.

10)The most important person to get it 'right' with is yourself. You are the only person who is around with you all the time!!

11)Really loving someone is both the greatest and most difficult thing in the whole world.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Patience is a Virtue

As a Taurus one of the main personality traits that is attributed to this sign is having patience. I see that in myself. There are moments when things that might drive someone else up a flagpole, just don’t seem to bother me. I can maintain a pretty calm head around a lot of people and I like that about myself.

However there are times when my patient nature falls into the sewer. And what’s funny is that this usually happens when I am around impatient people. I do love irony, don’t you know.

I deal with clients a lot and with people who are emotionally damaged (in many senses of this phrase) and these people are not very patient. Being around them drives me bonkers!! Excitability doesn’t register well with me.

So I find that I need to be patient more often with impatient people. I certainly don’t expect them to grow patient skin overnight. I have to realize that patience is very hard to find for many people.

I worry though that my long patient fuse will run out after a while and I’ll just become the bull in the china shop. If that happens, you’ll most certainly see it manifest here.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Old-Fashioned

As much as I try to keep up with technology, I often find that the best way is the old way. I have a ‘Nook’ – Barnes and Nobles version of the Kindle and it’s cool. I love it because it’s compact; can hold many books at once without breaking my neck and it’s convenient for vacations (when I usually get through a number of books).

This morning however, I was reminded of why I don’t like technology. I went to the gym to follow my daily routine. I got on my cardio machine of the day and selected the settings. I opened up my Nook, turned the machine on only to find that it wasn’t turning on. It was too tired apparently to help me out this morning. Needless to say, I was less than thrilled. I honestly didn’t know how to work out without reading something. I had left my music carrier in my bag because I had my Nook with me! And if I went to get my music, it would just mean I’d have to work out for less time since I have a very limited window within which I can exercise. I was very frustrated.

The first thought that came to my mind after this glitch was ‘A regular book would turn on just fine!’ I guess what made me even more annoyed about this whole situation is that I use the Nook at this moment to get through ‘Anna Karenina’. I purposely bought the novel as an ebook so that I wouldn’t have to carry that weight around. And now that I couldn’t turn it on, I was even further behind than I wanted to be with my reading. And if I had just carried the weight of the book, I wouldn’t have even been in this situation where I couldn’t read during my workout!

I see the irony in all this, of course. As much as it makes me laugh to look at this in hindsight. At the very moment it was happening, I wanted to hurl my Nook across the gym floor. Call me old-fashioned; I don’t mind. With some things, it’s easy to see why it’s best to stick with the simpler things in life.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Best Buds

The Mexican and I recently had a visitor. I should really say that the Mexican had a visitor since I wasn’t that affected by this visitor. My husband’s best friend came to visit us for a few days. He and the Mexican had a good time acting stupid for a good 4 days.

They reminisced. They came up with new reasons to make fun of each other. They invented new things to laugh at. Overall, it was nice to see my husband be so happy and laughing so much.

It made me really think about why it’s so important to spend time with friends. You can tell them the best stuff that happens to you and the worst. And they stick by you.

I know I’ve had numerous interesting stories with some of my good friends. I can never forget the dinner at ‘Ay Chihuahua’ with my friend, Amanda, or the bicycle ride in Montreal with Marni or Marseilles with Rosa. These are moments that turn to concrete in my memory and I love them.

Even if I don’t understand a single thing that my husband and his friend talk about, I know it’s important for them to have this ‘stupid’ time together. They talked almost non-stop for 4 days; to the point where The Mexican lost his voice after his friend’s departure. It’s nice to see and feel that sense of happiness when friends are together.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Little Things Mean a Lot

I wasn’t in the mood to go to work today. It’s been a really emotionally tough week and I just couldn’t handle another fire drill, fast paced for no reason day. But somehow I got out of bed and went to the gym as usual. Worked out, showered, dressed and made my way into the building. Of course my laptop insisted it didn’t want to load correctly so I had to reboot twice.

Finally things were settling in and I got the email that made my heart jump and made me realize that maybe there was a god. My boss wasn’t going to be in today. A bunch of the insane meetings we normally have on Thursday were cancelled and I could finally get some work done!!!

No interruptions from some people today. I could actually spend a week without explaining how numbers are reconciling to someone who should already know this! I could try to get a move on some of my work. I wanted to skip and jump into the air and clap my heels together! Hallelujah!!

This one little email raised my spirits beyond the heavens. Isn’t it amazing how life does that sometimes?

Enjoy the little things because they really do make difference. It’s often the only thing there is to be happy about.