In a Funk

Every so often a wave of emotions comes over me. I usually know how to handle these emotions so that they don’t get the best of me. But once in a blue moon, the wave is so big that I feel like I’m drowning. The last few days I’ve felt like I’ve been swimming futilely against the current.

Most of the time I know exactly what brings this feeling to light. But right now it feels like a million things are getting to me. Despite my mantra of not letting things get to me (because I see now with my recent back injury that stress doesn’t help me), I haven’t been able to put a kibosh on these feelings. Sometimes I just need to feel so sorry for myself that I reach the nadir that propels me back up again. Like a pressure cooker that has to flip its lid from all the steam. I’m definitely not rising to the top yet. I haven’t flipped my lid yet – and honestly I won’t. I don’t explode externally; it’s all internal compression. It boils and boils to a point in my brain where I make a decision and then I move forward with that decision.

I haven’t come to that decision yet, mostly because the funk I am in is an amalgam of frustrations, aggravations and stresses from different places in my life. I hope the decision comes soon but for the time being, I’ll do the best I can with the funk I’m in.