Double Standard

Something that I’ve noticed since I’ve entered the working world is that certain ‘rules’ don’t apply to men in the same way that they do for women. Let me concentrate on something superficial, yet a very good example, of what I think is a double standard.

Haircolor…

Sadly I am prematurely grey. This is a fact that I have to deal with because both my parents went prematurely grey (why they got married is something that mystifies me in general, but that’s neither here, nor there). I have had to dye my hair for many years just to cover the greys. In the last two years, it’s been far more noticeable as my Pepe Le Pew marker is right on the top of my forehead. So if I don’t dye it, it’s very apparent. No way you can miss it. It is so bad that people often stare at it when they are talking to me that I have to cough or speak loudly to get them to pay attention to my mouth or eyes when I am speaking.

I was told once by someone at work that I need to take care of my grey hair. Because if a woman has grey hair, it means that she is stressed. (Hello, yes that’s exactly what it means! But it can also mean it is hereditary! MORON!!). And that people will take her less seriously because it shows she can’t handle her stress. Needless to say, I told that person in kind terms to ‘bite me’. And I also said that I thought it was unfair for them to bring this to my attention because if the men in the team weren’t told these same things, I shouldn’t be either.

What bugs me is that so many men in business or on tv have grey hair and they are distinguished, trustworthy, or very knowledgeable in their field (e.g. George Clooney, Anderson Cooper and Anthony Bourdain). But I’ve never heard those terms applied to women with grey hair. Also I don’t think I’ve heard this because there aren’t too many women who show off their naturally grey hair. The only person I can think of off the top of my head is Paula Deen. (I think she’s knowledgeable about butter and lard!)

So I ask myself why does this bias continue to happen? What the heck is wrong with the world when these double standards exist?? I’ll tell you what is wrong…too few women bask in the beauty of their naturally grey hair because some jerk told them it didn’t look good. That’s what I think.

Snow Day

My dog Foxy adores the snow. I’ve probably mentioned this before in other entries. Regardless the level of contentment that she has when she sees snow or is in the snow is something I can’t measure or even describe with any clarity. Ultimately, the exuberance of her jumping up and down in the soft or even crunchy snow is something to be witnessed and not described.

Last weekend we went to Vermont to get away for the long weekend. The pristine white condition of the snow was lovely to see (compared to the polluted grey/black snow currently visible in the city). I went on numerous walks with her and the snow crunched under my feet. It was really pretty and reminded me of all the times that I got excited that it snowed when I was a kid.

She and I played stick in the snow. She would plow her face right into the snow to fetch the stick. She looked as though she had a permanent milk muzzle while we played. I even played some other games with her. I would start walking down a hill and she would follow me and walked passed me. Then I would call her and run up the hill and she would follow. We would do this over and over and she would never tire of it.

Part of the fun of playing in the snow with Foxy is how she and I have a mission to leave no snow untouched. Whether there is a paw print or foot print, we must mess up the snow. There’s no way it was a good snow day if we didn’t mess up all the snow.

These are some of the moments that I enjoy having my Foxy around to play with. And on some occasions, such as while we were in Vermont, Foxy and I were graced with Bonnette’s presence in the snow. Bonnette usually avoids the snow in the city but for some reason, we found her consistently making a run outside while we were in Vermont. It was touching and sweet in so many ways. It’s as if she was saying ‘Hey what’s all the ruckus! Let me join you!’

I realized after a while that perhaps Bonnette was joining us because there was no salt on the ground in Vermont. It was pure crunchy, fresh snow. Maybe my little doggie likes snow days after all.

Common Decency

It’s no surprise that people baffle me. I’ve written about it numerous times in these halls. Here’s another one to add to the list.

I mentioned to my boss persistently for a year and a half that I wanted to be a Vice President. In multiple meetings through the year, I went to my boss explaining how I had completed objective upon objective that was placed in front of me that I would need to achieve in order to be promoted to Vice President. Each time, when I asked what else I needed to do to get promoted, no answer was given. I thought I was being a bee buzzing in my boss ear…consistently bugging for measurable activities.

Seems as though my buzzing fell on deaf ears, which isn’t surprising. The other day all the yearly promotions were announced. And my boss came to me this morning to say ‘did you see that ‘so-and-so’ got promoted to VP’. I played it off saying that I did know. But in my mind the scene that played out was:

I’m going to kill you. How could you come here and even say something like that to me when you know that I wanted to be promoted to VP??

I wouldn’t ever permit myself to say something like that to someone. Especially if they had mentioned how much they wanted it all along. But I guess I pay attention to those things while others do not. I think it is common decency to not rub things into people’s faces. I suppose the better course of action would have been to present my open wound to her and ask her if she wanted to pour lemon juice on my cut.

Do the Right Thing

I have spent a lot of my life waiting in line. As a girl in an Italian family, I was never as important as the boy. Even then, I was the last girl so there wasn’t still another line to wait in.

Despite all this, I did what I needed to do for myself - to do the right thing without hurting others. I studied hard because I liked it but also because I felt it was the way to move forward. I worked hard because I knew things wouldn’t just be handed to me. And I went after what I wanted with determination; knowing that the only obstacle that could get in the way of my desire was my own mind.

Lately though, all these lessons that I learned about myself have been up for re-evaluation. I thought that if I did well at work and consistently performed, I would be promoted. I understood that if I saved money for my employer, I would be compensated with a raise. I believed that if I loved people a lot, they would somehow see me in the same light – I would be their priority. I knew that if I wanted something bad enough, it could happen despite what doctors said.

But everything I thought has been thrown into the garbage. I didn’t get promoted, I didn’t get a raise and I lost the thing I wanted most with no idea how it happened. These things are fine and I can and will deal with them to the best of my ability.


Do I continue to just deal with doing the right thing? Or do I just give up?

The Odd Couple

My father-in-law came to visit for over a week recently. He is an interesting character. He’s impulsive, stubborn and speaks in Mexican slang. My dad, as you know, is also quite the caricature. He’s small, loud, stubborn, and impulsive and speaks his own language that only my husband seems to understand.
Both of these men like each other although they’ve only met each other once before. And I would come home from work and find them sitting side-by-side on the couch chatting up a storm. (Not to mention they had both of my dogs on either side of them in a puppy sandwich.) As I got closer to them, I would try to drown out the loudness of their voices to get to the words that were being spoken. Honestly, I couldn’t understand a thing. So I would look at my husband and make a face that begged ‘Do you know what they are saying?” He would either tell me or raise his shoulders suggesting he had even less of an idea than I did.

At one point my dad said something in perfectly clear Spanish (that even I understood).

He shouted “If I come to Mexico, I don’t want to stay stuck in a house all day. I want to see something”

To which I replied “Now I know where I get it from”

Looking over at my father-in-law for his retort, he looked quizzically at both my husband and I and said “What did he say?”

To which I thought “This is hopeless!”

I guess it doesn’t matter if you don’t speak the same language. It’s really all about how you feel in someone else’s presence. It was obvious that ‘the dads’ enjoyed each other’s company. So what if they could never have a conversation!

Rejuvenating Facial

My dogs are big time lickers. When they show their affection, they like to lick you. I don’t mind too much myself but I’m always very conscious of how others feel about their penchant.

My family gets a lot of love from my dogs. My sister constantly gets a facial from them, so does my mom. And my dad, who is definitely a favorite of theirs, isn’t excluded from the love.

The other day my dad came over and Foxy (the bigger dog of the duo) put her front paws on my dad’s shoulder and proceeded to give him an exfoliating treatment with her tongue. The Mexican admonished her saying “Foxy Down!” To which my dad replied:

‘No, don’t tell her to get down, I love this!’

I think my dad is looking for a way out of cleaning his face with his own two hands. Or maybe he just likes how his skin feels after Foxy gives him her rejuvenating facial. Regardless, I don’t think she’ll be taking a break from showing him affection anytime soon.

Liberal Arts

I tend to think things are common knowledge and it’s not a good idea for me to think that way. I confronted this assumption today while I was at work.

Someone I know who is trying to finish their Bachelor’s degree was calling their school to register for an additional course. They asked the registrar if the class they were trying to enroll in would satisfy their liberal arts requirement. When the person said the class was “The History of New York”, I shook my head in disbelief. Doesn’t everyone know that history is a liberal art? But apparently not everyone knows that so I can’t assume that because I know it that everyone does.

What it did show me, however, is that some people are just beyond hopeless.

Top Chef

A few nights ago I had a very vivid dream that I was one of the contestants on Top Chef. The best part of this dream was that I had a very thick Italian accent. Every time they interviewed me, I would say stuff like “My momma she taughta me how to maka this disha. I luvva it!” Or I’d make some reference to my aunt and how she taught me how to cook.

I was watching myself on the screen of my dreams. I was cutting pieces of meat and vegetables. Creating complicated sauces and presentations. I even remember that I had made some kind of filet mignon in a wine and rosemary sauce. I can’t remember if I won for that dish but I was in the top three.

At another point in the dream, the camera stopped on me and I said “I don’ta lika her!” I’m not really sure who I was referring to but it was pretty funny on the show and in my dream.

I suppose I dreamed about all this because I have been craving food and wanting to cook but I’m a bit limited in the Mexican kitchen of my husband’s family. Whatever the reason, I knowa I luvva food!

Staring Contest

Yes, I had said I would stop blogging about my cousins but then I remembered something else they did. I couldn’t just let it be. I needed to write about it.

While my cousins were here we went to a very famous camera store. The cameras and electronics sold here are state of the art without being too pricey. You almost always get a good deal.

The store is run by a number of religious people. Living in New York all my life, the traditional garb that these people wear doesn’t phase me. I just know that how they dress. But my cousins couldn’t believe it. They spent an awful lot of time staring at everyone who worked in the store.

When we walked up to one of the employees to ask for help, my cousin couldn’t even tell me what he wanted because he was so awestruck by the persons dress and hair style (not sure you can call it a hair style but for lack of a better word, I will). He just stood there his jaw wide open that he could have held a hive full of bees with all the space! I knocked him in the ribs with my elbow and asked him what he needed. He finally woke out of his shock and awe to tell me.

They both continued to stare and comment even after I told them it was rude. I suppose that I acted the same way when I was in Egypt and Morocco when I would see women in their burkas. But I tried not to act so confounded. I was more interested in how the women were eating under their traditional dress! I didn’t stare at them; I was more curious to know how they kept cool in the heat under the dark garments.

I guess when you’ve never seen something like that before you are given to staring but I just thought it was rude. I won’t even talk about their comments or gazes when they saw transgenders or men in drag. I don’t think I need to. It’s pretty easy to imagine how they reacted.

Fashionable

I am definitely not a fashionista. I like to look at different clothes and designers but I don’t try to wear anything that people would say is trend setting. I just can’t be bothered with things that aren’t comfortable.

Lately though, I think I am crossing the line and becoming trendy. It’s hard not to think about fashion in Mexico City, where all the women get decked out in their finest and wear all the makeup imaginable to go to the grocery store.

My crossing over happens at night. Just as I am getting tired, I change into my flannel pajama bottoms and tuck them into wool socks. I then put on a long-sleeve tee shirt and a long sleeve hooded running shirt on top of that. As the night gets colder, I’ll put on a velour zip-up sweater and take to the excitement – reading in bed or watching tv.

Indoor heating is a hard to find and pricey so you have to do your best to keep warm at night. The only thing I am missing from my super sexy outfit is a bunch of hair rollers. Give me a few days though and I should be able to complete the ensemble.