Love, Italian Style

My parents have been married for 49 years. It’s quite an accomplishment and I sometimes use some of their tactics to keep my marriage as happy as theirs. A couple of key strategies that they use to keep the romance alive are: Surprise and Routine

My dad has certain traditions that he follows every autumn. He make his home made wine and eggplant. He picks (or we do) tomatoes and puts them in jars so we can use them through the winter when fresh tomatoes are hard to find. And he pits his own olives and then marinates them for eating.

This year, however, he missed the period to buy his olives. He was pretty bummed. My dad was as sad as a child who had his toy stolen right from under his eyes.

Knowing this, one day on a shopping trip, my mom bought him a case of olives. She proceeded to tell us how it was a surprise for my dad. We all thought it was the cutest and touching thing ever. In this way surprise worked to show how much my mom saw that my dad was sad and that she cared for him.

When I called my mom the next day to see how she was, she told me my dad was a jerk. The reason being was that he wanted to know why she wasn’t helping him with the olives. My mom told him that the olives were his own thing and that was something he was doing for years. The argument heightened and the name calling recommenced as usual.

In this way, I could see that routine is how they kept their relationship predictable and controllable. It’s a great lesson on marriage to learn from this example. Don’t surprise your spouse too much because the momentary happiness doesn’t outlast the everyday arguments and fighting.