Parenting always amazes me. What some people choose to teach their kids and how they decide to enforce rules just fascinates me. My parents, especially my mom, was of the ‘look of fear’ parenting school. If I ever did anything in public, my mom would give me a special look that would make me shiver with fear. I was always afraid of what would follow that look. Even if it wasn’t a spanking, it most certainly result in some kind of punishment that I could never really foresee. Whenever she gave me that look, I just stopped what I was doing that might have been annoying and became quiet. Usually, this was the only thing that my mother really wanted from me. And it worked! Sometimes, the look would result in a talk with my dad. Regardless, punishment wasn’t always a given so the unpredictability of it sort of kept me in line.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve seen different methods of punishment or admonishment. There is the ever famous ‘time out’. Not sure that really works. There is the grounding school of punishment which can be useful, I think. There is the humiliation train of thought. I’m not entirely certain that works because I think the child ends up having horrible self-esteem because of it. But the most baffling of techniques is the Antonio technique. (I’m most certain my husband will talk about this on his podcase so tune into that at www.mac.com/memouribe.)
This Antonio technique came about on a flight in Spain. For two and a half hours, the spawn of Satan himself sat behind my husband and me and screamed his lungs out - the highest pitched screech that I’ve ever heard – the kind that makes nails scratching a chalkboard, chewing aluminum foil and the likes seem like a calm ocean wave hitting the sand.
Normally I’d overlook this if it came from a baby but this child was at least 3 or more. And his name was Antonio. We both knew this because his father kept threatening him by saying:
Antonio, stop doing that or I won’t feed you lunch.
Antonio, be quiet or the captain will come here and scream at you.
Antonio, when we get home, you can’t use the pool.
So on and so forth.
None of these ‘threats’ shut this boy up. The reason why is that the father’s voice was annoying and not firm or strict. Obviously this father had no idea of the power of ‘that certain look’ that my mom and probably every Italian mother has mastered.
I’m pretty darn sure that if I have children and use the Antonio technique, I’m going to end up tied to a chair and gagged while my progeny runs wild.
1 comment:
What the father's blase tone of voice was conveying was that he had no intention of following through with any sort of punishment--which he obviously didn't do at all, which is why the kid continued to scream during the whole flight. The key to any disciplinary technique is the follow-through, which is why your mother's "look of fear" was so effective: More often than not, ignoring the look led to a negative, undesirable consequence, such as a "talk" with your dad. Because your mother followed through with a punishment most of the time, you were obedient all of the time, even those few times when nothing adverse happened after your mom gave you the look.
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