Rays

Grey clouds hover
Overhead
My bones are cold
From the rain
And the sadness
Thoughts rush through
Why do I need to
Continue
Why do I keep
Living like this
Weeks of misery
Tears fall for no reason
Steps are so heavy
My muscles refuse
To move any more
No more hope
No more happiness
Success only to see great
Mourning

I am lost
Don’t know where to go
What to do.
The hole in my heart
Grows bigger every day
I bathe it in alcohol
To cure the cut
But the sting
Is always there.
No one to share my feelings

Pretend to be great on the
Outside
When the interior feels horrible
I love the clown
I am the clown
Torrential downpours
It grows colder
I climb into the
Fetal position
Where I am safe.
Safe from what?
Those that love me are
Fading away
They tell me repeatedly
But I’m not listening.
I don’t hear.

“life is not easy. It takes
courage
to get up everyday.”

I push them all away.
Silence surrounds me
No kind faces
To be seen
I have brought this on myself
I pushed them all
Away.

The light comes through
The window
Finally sunshine
After so much darkness
Beams shine off
The golden spires
Doubling the light
Surrounding
The world outside
My little hermit
Hole.

Drinking doesn’t call to me
It doesn’t control me any more
Need to feel the
Warmth on my face.
A day of sunshine
Is all I need to know
After periods of darkness,
Now there is hope.