Monday, April 6, 2009


Many years ago I was diagnosed with a disorder that I keep under control to some degree through medication. It’s very difficult because without the medication, I’m all over the place and I tend to forget things because I’m not fully engaged in that one thing, but on many things at once. It is mind-numbing for me but I imagine it’s hard for those around me to understand this problem.

Regardless, there are certain things that I cannot forget. The things people say to me…the things certain people say to me. And this has had me in a quandary for some time. A few months ago, a family member said some things to me that I just keep replaying in my head. However, I recently found out that they don’t remember having said these things to me. Actually, if it weren’t for one other person to be a witness, it almost could have happened in a vacuum. It would have been my word against theirs. The problem with this situation is that you could say I was the one who is forgetful but I’m not entirely so.

My problem is a chemical one and the said person’s problem is chemical as well. It’s called alcohol. I’ve had to deal with this all my life. People forgetting promises, stories, dates because they were under the influence. To some degree, I am the way I am because I had to live with this. It really makes me mad.

Many times I’ll get into a fight with one of the various people I know who have a substance problem and they blame my ‘lie’ on my disorder. But the truth is they conveniently forget a lot of stuff because they drink. And it’s easier to use my disorder as an excuse than for them to seek help for their issue.

The best part of all this forgetfulness is that I’ve repeatedly told these people how much I hate that they drink .Yet, when I get angry about seeing them that way, they conveniently forget how many times I’ve told them that their being drunk pisses me off. How there is no point talking to them in any positive way because they will just forget it the next day. I wish I could just forget how much this behavior annoys me but this is one area where I have the brain of an elephant.

1 comment:

M said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap-ola!