Kicking and Screaming - Part 2

(Or, What I Learned from My Daughter)

 

Although I babysat for many years in my youth, nothing quite prepares you for raising your own child. You may become a guru at diaper changing (my skills atrophied with the years), an expert at baby talk (still up to par), or skilled at soothing (ummm depends on the day) while watching other children but it’s different when it is your own kid.

The reason for this is due to every child being different. Some kids love to be left alone while others need constant contact. In the early days with my baby, she would scream so that other countries could hear her when she peed. However she would happily sit in her own poop for long periods and seem unfazed that a bowel movement had even occurred. 

What I had a lot of trouble adjusting to was my daughter’s behavior when she became overtired. I would try to comfort her and soothe her by bouncing her and shushing her and nothing seemed to work. I would sing lullabies and rock her all in vain. She would howl at a level that even dogs would wear earplugs. I was constantly perplexed. I would see her rub her yawn and I’d begin to try my calming techniques. She wasn’t having any of my relaxing. She needed to cry and get to a point where she would rub her eyes incessantly. Her eyelids needed to get red and she’d have to exhaust herself with her screams until she finally conked out. 

Everyone said it was colic but I knew it wasn’t. There were times when I could soothe her even if it only seemed momentarily.  I became upset when my mom and sister would say that all she did was cry because I had spent hours with her where she would coo and listen attentively to my voice and respond. She was just fussy and needed to get her exercise by crying it out, it seemed. 

The first few weeks of this comportment made me feel like a horrible mother. I felt inadequate because I couldn’t calm my own baby down. Then one day while holding her, I let out a big exhale. My shoulders relaxed and my arms lost their tension and she suddenly began to drift off. I realized then that what I needed was more patience and calmness within myself to give to her. I had always seen myself as an incredibly patient person (I had to be with my family!). But this child required even more of that from me. So early on in our relationship, I was learning a lesson from my cookie. 

Now when I see her beginning to get sleepy, I select an item from my arsenal of peace with a tranquil mind and heart so that she can get herself to sleep on her own. If anyone has ever said you can’t learn something from children, they don’t a thing about babies.