The Unknown

I am a very inquisitive person. You can ask my husband how annoying I can be when I have a list of questions I want answered. My job is to listen to people, see what they want and ask a lot of questions. Part of my curiosity about everything is quenched by asking questions. I have never been very satisfied with situations where an answer can’t be provided. 

The hardest part of losing someone is that you never really know where they are. Faith can give you answers. Despite all that faith, it’s not a concrete answer. It’s not visual or physical proof of where the person is. And I have always had my issues with faith, partly because it never provides the answers that I find satisfying.

The piece of losing my father that I grapple with on a consistent basis is the not knowing where he is and what he is doing. Is he really in a better place? Is he enjoying this time away from us? Although I can understand that he’s no longer suffering because he’s not in the physical realm, I wish I knew if he is better off. 

Occasionally I hope for a dream or some other sign from him where he tells me he is doing well. I feel as though I have had a few dreams where he was trying to ‘tell’ me something. And I have taken those dreams as something reassuring. However there are times when I wonder how concrete are dreams  if we sometimes forget what we dream. 

I know I should let it go and be more open to the mysteries of ‘the other world’ but I find it hard especially because I can’t ask anyone who has been there for insight. Yes, my stubbornness is posing this problem but I guess the apple didn’t fall very far from the tree.