Coming on Strong

Many of us have had this experience. I can almost guarantee that women have encountered it. Even if you have not been impacted directly by this incident, you are aware of it. It is the unapologetic spray at the perfume counter of a department store. You weren’t asking for it or expecting it. Yet it happens. And in so many ways, it is quite disturbing because it is an assault on your body not by hands but by stench.

This is how I have felt over the last few months because of someone relatively new to my team. Almost every time she opens her mouth, I feel like it is an assault to my utter being. Every time I send an email or set up a meeting based on said emails, I get a request for an agenda or am pummeled with reply all’s on what is the point of the meeting. Oddly, I almost always set up meetings after a barrage of back and forth emails on a topic. Last I checked, I add an agenda to those meeting invites based on the emails trails. I often scratch my head once I read these responses from her. I feel at times like I live in the twilight zone. Or has anyone heard the term gaslight?

So, it’s not by stench but it might as well be mace in the eyes or a little pepper spray into the throat. I am always one to take feedback/input/suggestions but I am confused because I have agendas in all my invitations. And usually I drag and drop my emails into meeting invites to give context and then write my agendas around those documents. Here I was thinking I was pretty efficient and that my meetings were self-explanatory. But, I guess not.

This is not constructive criticism on her part. It is the utter need to take me down in front of others. After all, she questions me on emails where others are addressed as well.  When she comes over and makes a compliment on my outfit, I have to scratch my head and wonder what is behind her niceness. Does she know she’s on my naughty list and is trying to make amends? Does she not realize I think her actions are suspicious? Whatever her motives, I’m not falling for them.

What is troublesome is that in a work environment you have to often play nice with people you would never want to be near! Family and work colleagues aren’t too different – you often have to be diplomatic around those you would never choose as friends. Of course, sometime you do find some good friends from the colleague pool. But I certainly don’t want to be friends with someone who plays the ‘frenemy’.